Uni Watch | The Obsessive Study Of Athletics Aesthetics

Boned: A Close Look at the Rams’ New Uniforms

By Paul Lukas, on May 14th, 2020

For all photos, click to enlarge

The Rams unveiled their new uniforms yesterday, confirming the leak that had begun circulating several hours earlier.

There’s a lot of ground to cover here, so let’s get to it. I’ll cover the most noteworthy elements, one at a time:

The Helmet

Is it basically okay? Yeah. But is it as good as the previous version? I’d say no. I like the shell color but I think the horn is a downgrade — not because of the segmentation (which I don’t love but can live with) but because it doesn’t have the curlicue at the end. Here’s a side-by-side comparison:

From a visual standpoint, I really miss the curlicue. But as you can see, one advantage of not having the curlicue is that the tip of the horn doesn’t get tangled up in the mask and/or chinstrap sockets. Depending on the helmet model, the Rams sometimes had to cut the tip of the horn into a separate piece. That won’t be a problem with the new horn design, so let’s give them some points for form following function.

Overall: It still looks like the Rams.

The Fabric Colors

We already knew the shades of blue and yellow that the Rams would be using (those were revealed back in March). What we didn’t know was that their white uniform would actually be off-white. They’re calling this new color bone, and the “storytelling” rationale for it is that it’s supposedly the same color as a ram’s horn.

A few thoughts on that:

• Although a ram’s horn has bone at the core, the exterior — the part that we see, and the part whose color the Rams are supposedly matching — is not bone. It’s actually keratin, which is the same stuff human fingernails and toenails are made of. So this “bone” color name is not only silly, but the stated rationale for it is inaccurate.

• If they’re claiming that the color is based on a ram’s horn, why aren’t the horns on the helmet rendered in that color? Why isn’t the horn on the logo rendered in that color? Makes no sense.

• On the field, this color will have the same visual effect as the Seahawks’ grey alternates: It’ll look like unwashed laundry.

• What’s the over/under on how many “boner” jokes there will be when the Rams wear this color?

Obviously, we’re going to need a new name for this color going forward, because there’s no way I’m going to write “bone” over and over again. Since we’re talking about L.A., I was thinking maybe we should call it smog. But then I saw in yesterday’s comments that Uni Watch reader/commenter Justin Hicks was referring to it as “dishwater,” which sounds about right. Dishwater it is!

Now we get to the really weird stuff. Most NFL teams try to have fairly consistent design themes running through their uniform set, but this Rams set has a split personality, with certain elements appearing on the blue uniforms and others on the dishwater uniforms. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s definitely an uncommon thing. Let’s start with…

The Uniform Numbers

The numbers on the blue jerseys have a color-to-white gradation (more photos here); the numbers on the dishwater jerseys do not (more photos here). So odd to take such distinct approaches on the two jerseys — it’s like they couldn’t decide which one to choose, so they chose both. Again, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with that, but it’s definitely atypical for an NFL uniform design.

One thing both both number sets feature is a reflective treatment that you can see more clearly here:

I asked the team for more information on this and was told that they used an application called Framis, which creates reflection and pop in the numbers (and also on the pant striping). I’d never heard of Framis before, so I googled it and found myself at the Framis website, which says, “Framis Italia is the market leader in polyurethane heat-bonding applications for the clothing industry.” You can get a better sense of what that entails here. Definitely new to me, and presumably an NFL uniform first. I asked the Rams if they had any photos or video showing how this reflective effect would look under the lights at a night game but was told that no visuals of that sort are yet available.

The Shoulders and Sleeves

The dishwater jerseys have TV numbers and the blue ones don’t — bizarre! Again, it’s like they couldn’t decide which dessert to order, so they went ahead and ordered both.

Similarly, the blue jersey has a modified horn treatment on the shoulders (ironically, it looks more like St. Louis’s Gateway Arch than a horn, because it doesn’t do the full wraparound) while the dishwater jersey has a weird little sunburst stripe snaking its way through the number — here’s a closer look at that:

Meanwhile, the proportions of the TV numbers bear no resemblance to the front and back numbers. It all feels like something created in an web-based team-builder app.

The “Hello, My Name Is…” Patches

Again with the split personality. The blue jersey just has the team name while the dishwater jersey has the team and city names. Even stranger, the patch on the blue jersey is blue, so it matches the background color, but the patch on the dishwater jersey is white, so it sticks out like a sore thumb, as you can see more clearly here:

I asked the team about the yellow zigzag stitching along the top edge of both patches and was told the following: “This is a unique design feature that we are excited to introduce. This stitching above the patch is the same stitch used throughout our jerseys — it’s a feature we could potentially use across other merchandise going forward.” An article posted yesterday on The Athletic (paywalled) added this: “The zig-zagging ‘signature stitch’ was inspired by some fashion designers’ iconic ‘mark’ on the clothing they create.” Oooookay.

(As an aside: Lots and lots of people yesterday — including some in the Uni Watch comments section — responded to these patches by saying, “These are obviously placeholders for the inevitable addition of ad patches!” That is almost certainly not the case. I’ll have more to say about it in the next section of today’s post. For now, let’s keep looking at the Rams’ new uni set.)

The Back-Collar Logo

Same as with the chest nametags, the back-collar logo on the blue jersey matches the background fabric, while the one on the dishwater jersey does not — only this time it’s yellow, not white (so it looks a bit like the NBA’s gold championship tabs — ugh).

Either way, they both look very, very rough.

The Pants

Okay, so the blue ones have a gradation, the other two don’t, the stripe widths feel inconsistent — whatever. The pants seem mainly like an afterthought here, which is probably for the best. Also, remember that the pant stripes are supposed to be reflective, so they’ll probably look different on the field than they do here.

Those are the major uniform elements. A few additional notes about this set:

• After all the talk about how they held up the release of these uniforms to coincide with opening of the new stadium, I’m surprised there isn’t an inaugural-season patch or decal.

• A team spokesperson tells me that the only uni combos in the mix for now are mono-blue, blue over yellow, and mono-dishwater, the latter of which can be paired with either matching socks or blue socks:

No plans for any other mixing and matching of the jerseys and pants. Also, as you can see in that graphic, they will apparently be adding a new uniform in 2021, and another in 2022.

• I’ve also been told that there is no designated home or road look, and that any of those basic combos could conceivably be worn at home.

———

I think that covers everything. So what do I think? As I’ve already said, I think the helmet is fine — not great, but fine. Everything else, though, is a mess. Gradient numbers should be reserved for the Pro Bowl, I don’t care at all for the dishwater color, the chest patches are embarrassing and the back patches aren’t much better. What a disappointment, especially for a team with such a proud uniform heritage.

Like so many failed uniform sets, this one feels like it’s trying too hard to be of the moment. And like most things that try to do that, it will quickly look dated and passé. The only question now, as many people pointed out yesterday, is whether a cancelled NFL season will count toward the league’s five-year uniform-change rule, since the Rams definitely won’t be wearing these much longer than that.

Finally, I leave you with this:

Los Angeles, this is …awkward. pic.twitter.com/uW8ASBve6W
— Pat Thorman (@Pat_Thorman) May 13, 2020

• • • • •

Now about those chest patches: Okay, now let’s talk about whether the Rams’ new chest patches are really just “placeholders” for upcoming ad patches, as so many people seemed to think yesterday. I want to nip that conspiracy theory in the bud before it spreads too far, because it really doesn’t hold up to even a modicum of scrutiny. Here’s why:

1. Plenty of NFL teams have put a team logo or wordmark in that same exact spot in recent years, including the Steelers (who’ve had it there since 1997), Seahawks (since 2012), Jaguars (since 2013), and Jets (1998-2018), plus that’s also the spot where the Chiefs wear their Lamar Hunt perma-memorial (since 2007). In all of those cases, the logo or wordmark or patch hasn’t been a “placeholder” for anything — it’s just been a team logo or wordmark or patch. Now the Rams have put a team wordmark in that same spot — big deal. There’s zero evidence to think it indicates anything more than what it is, which is a team wordmark.

2. Seven NFL teams have released new uniforms this spring, and this is the only one that has included a “placeholder” in that spot. If this were really a nefarious plan to foist uniform ads upon us, don’t you think at least some of those other six teams — or maybe all of them — would have used similar “placeholders”?

3. The whole “placeholder” notion doesn’t even make sense. What would be the point of it — to get people used to the idea of a logo being there? Yeah, that’d go over really well with a potential uniform advertiser: “Don’t worry, people won’t even notice your logo on the jersey because they’re already used to seeing ours.” Look, the reality is that there’s already a “placeholder” in that spot on most NFL jerseys — it’s called blank space. If you really want to put ads there, just leave it blank and it’ll be available when you’re ready to use it. Simple.

I think the reason so many people tried to connect the dots between the Rams’ patches and uniform ads is that these new Rams patches already look like uniform ads — and I agree, they do! But that’s not the same as them being part of some secret plot — they aren’t.

(As an aside to this aside, there’s also been a lot of chatter this week about how leagues can get themselves up and running again and make up for lost revenue by adopting uniform ad programs like the NBA’s. That too does not hold up well to scrutiny. I’ll have more to say about that tomorrow.)

• • • • •

It’s a whole new ball(game): Yahoo Sports broke the news yesterday that Spalding will soon stop making the NBA’s official basketball. Beginning with the 2021-22 season, the contract will revert to Wilson (which had previously made the NBA ball for several decades before Spalding got the contract in 1983).

Two thoughts on this:

1. I don’t find it surprising that the NBA would move away from a legacy sporting goods company like Spalding, which has little to none of the lifestyle appeal that the NBA is all about these days. But I’m surprised that they’re going with Wilson — another legacy brand with no lifestyle profile to speak of. I would have expected Nike to take over. On the other hand, Wilson is the official ball of the NCAA tourney and is also, according to the Yahoo article, “used in most high school games around the country,” so maybe the move makes sense in that regard.

2. As longtime Uni Watch reader Dan Pfeifer points out, Spalding doesn’t just make the NBA’s game ball — they also make (and have their logo on) the backboard, rim, and stanchion. It’s not yet clear, at least to me, whether Spalding will also be losing those gigs.

• • • • •

ITEM! Another Purp Walk raffle: Earlier this week I raffled off three memberships for people who can redeem them this coming Sunday or Monday — that’s Purple Amnesty Day and Purple Amnesty Day (Observed) — for purple-inclusive membership cards. Today, thanks to a generous contribution from longtime reader Judy Adams, we have two more purple cards to raffle.

This will be a one-day raffle. To enter, send an email to the raffle address. One entry per person. I’ll announce the two winners tomorrow. Those winners will only be able to redeem their prizes by ordering purple membership cards this Sunday or Monday. If you snooze, you lose!

Big thanks to Judy for sponsoring this one. We’ll have another Purp Walk raffle — but not for membership cards — tomorrow.

• • • • •

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Who is that masked man? A few people have asked me to make and sell Uni Watch masks, and I’ve respectfully declined because I have too many projects going on as it is. So Uni Watch reader Bob Andrews decided to take matters into his own hands — tremendous!

• • • • •

Just give me all your money already: In case you missed it earlier this week, all colors of Uni Watch seam rippers are now back in stock (although green is already going fast). They’re available here.

While we’re at it:

• Supplies of the Uni Watch Pin Club’s design for May, featuring this super-cool auto racing theme, are dwindling, but you can still get one here (plus the January, February, and March pins are also available; April is sold out). You can save 15% on any of these by using the checkout code COMMUNITY.

• That 15% COUMMUNITY discount also applies to everything else you’ll find in the Uni Watch Shop and the Naming Wrongs Shop.

• Wouldn’t it be fun, just hypothetically, if this Bratwurst T-shirt actually existed? You know, just theoretically? If you agree, let me know.

• I still have Uni Watch caps available in sizes 7 and 7-7/8. I’m told that we should finally be restocked on all other fitted sizes, and also on adjustables, in about a month.

• Don’t forget that we also have beautiful chain-stitched patches, pennants, and stickers and magnets.

• If you’d rather support Uni Watch via a donation instead of a merch purch, here’s how you can do that.

• • • • •

The Ticker
By Paul

’Skins Watch: Two items from Kary Klismet: A student at Sanborn Regional High School in New Hampshire has gathered over 400 signatures on a petition to change the school’s “Indians” team name, and a columnist for The Middletown Press in Connecticut has challenged his newspaper’s parent company to stop using the Native-themed names of local high school teams.

Working Class Wannabes™: Notre Dame football coach Brian Kelly describes one of his former players, DE Isaac Rochell, who now plays for the Los Angeles Chargers, as “just unassuming, blue-collar.” … Frostburg State football coach DeLane Fitzgerald says of new recruit Don Woodworth, “Don’s personality fits our football program, blue collar all the way.” … Fansided’s Clemson blogger, Jeff Benedict (a man who uses this as his avatar) says the key game on the Clemson’s schedule this fall is the game against Boston College, because “they will still have that blue-collar work ethic that BC teams are known for.”

Baseball News: MLB players have approved the use of a DH for all games this season (assuming there is a season). Paul Panganiban points out that this means we won’t be seeing pitchers wearing jackets on the basepaths in 2020 (or maybe ever). … Let’s hear it for the MLB Draft, which finally fixed the apostrophe catastrophe in its logo! Hey, Orioles: If the draft can do it, so can you! … A Cardinals blogger has sleuthed out that Hall of Famer Rogers Hornsby, who supposedly never wore a number as a Cardinal, actually wore No. 6 (from Perry Sailor).

NFL News: The Ravens have announced the uni number assignments for their draft class (from Andrew Cosentino). … Lots of people have mini-helmet collections, but Christian Zummer has something I’ve never seen before: an NFL mini-mug collection!

College Football News: Past is prologue: Here’s a great shot of fans wearing masks at a Georgia Tech game during the 1918 flu pandemic (from Michael Rich). … Here’s an infographic that breaks down Arizona State’s helmet, jersey, and pants colors since 2011 (graphic by @JediASU, sent my way by @_mikeylikes_).

Hockey News: Flyers G Neil Little’s mask was stolen between Games Three and Four of the 1997 Stanley Cup Finals. For practice before Game Four, he borrowed a mask from Red Wings G Chris Osgood, a good friend of his. “The idea that opposing goalies during the Cup Final would borrow gear is incredible almost unthinkable, even among backup goaltenders,” says John Muir. … A Canadian infectious disease specialist says that if the NHL resumes play during the pandemic, all players should wear full face shields and fighting should be banned, among several other recommendations. Don Cherry could not be reached for comment (from Wade Heidt). … Also from Wade: Here are some of the names that have been suggested for the NWHL’s new Toronto expansion team. … The New England Senior Hockey League is shutting down after 40 years (from @nhjuangator).

NBA News: Last Friday we Ticker-linked to a bunch of NBA-themed
logos for Australian Football League teams. Now the same designer who produced those logos has come up with basketball uniform concepts for those same NBA/AFL team combos (from Kary Klismet).

College Hoops News: Florida has repainted its basketball floor, which it just renamed in honor of former coach Billy Donovan back in February, to make Donovan’s signature larger and put it at center court (from Kary Klismet).

Soccer News: Watford is changing outfitters, moving from Adidas to Kelme. “Provided the Hornets can avoid relegation, this will be the first Premier League side Kelme has outfitted,” says Josh Hinton. … Do you want to vote on the greatest soccer shirt of all time? Sure you do (from Rob Matuga). … The NWSL’s Portland Thorns will release their new shirts next Wednesday. “But they’ve already leaked, and the graphics used here line up with the leak,” notes our own Jamie Rathjen.

Grab Bag: Here’s the best four minutes you’ll spend today, guaranteed: Enjoy this great video featuring highlights from the great Saul Bass’s movie title designs. Don’t miss (big thanks to Adam Herbst). … Japanese women’s volleyball player Yurie Nabeya, known for wearing goggles due to an eye injury from practice, has signed a contract with Swans for 3D-printed goggle frames (from Jeremy Brahm). … A Pennsylvania company changed from making jerseys to coronavirus masks, but employees walked off the job, saying that the working conditions were unsafe. … Posh Spice — aka Mrs. David Beckham — is facing criticism for making her daughter wear a school uniform while home learning. … Here’s a look at the history of the DC Comics logo. … Mat Swatek has done a deep dive on how teams from a given city do or don’t have similar color schemes. Good stuff — recommended. … Military service members are being required to wear masks, but the top military brass is not wearing them, apparently a trickle-down effect from President Trump and some of his cabinet members not wearing them (from Timmy Donahue). … Also from Timmy: New retro-style police badges for Eureka, Calif. … South Africa has enacted a slew of bizarre and confounding clothing rules related to the pandemic (from Max Weintraub). … Milligan College, a private Christian liberal arts school in Tennessee, has unveiled its new logo as it transitions from a college to a university (Timmy Donahue again). … In Korea, baseball broadcasts are showing cardboard cutouts of fans in the empty seats. But American broadcast networks are reportedly considering the idea of “using virtual reality to enhance the at-home viewing experience, by superimposing realistic-looking fans onto screens.” … When Richard Nixon was president, he apparently wanted White House guards to wear absurdly gaudy uniforms before dropping the idea due to widespread ridicule (from natteringN).

• • • • •

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What Paul did last night: I usually try to take our daily photo soon after I’ve refilled my glass, so the glass looks full or at least full-ish, and ideally it has a bit of a frothy head to boot. But yesterday we were so busy talking (or maybe I was just so worn out from a day of concentrating on the Rams’ uniforms) that I forgot about the photograph. At some point Mary said, “Aren’t you going to take your photo?” By that time I’d finished my first beer and didn’t feel like having a second one, so here’s a rare Pandemic Porch Cocktails™ photo in which my glass is empty.

No dogs yesterday. Disappointing.

The branch is still there.

As always, you can see the full set of Pandemic Porch Cocktails™ photos here.

Unverified Rams Uniform Leak Surfaces

By Paul Lukas, on May 13th, 2020

Good morning! I had a post all ready to go for today, but then I woke up and discovered that an apparent Rams leak began circulating overnight, so we’re going to talk about that instead.

First some background: A few days ago a fan account called RamsToday tweeted the following:

I’ve already seen the uniforms and I will say this:
– Gradient Numbers (home jersey only)
– Bone color away jerseys
– The horns remain on the helmet, but a modernized version (like you see it on the new logo)
– I think it looks really cool imo
— RamsToday (@RamsTodayIG) May 9, 2020

People on Twitter (and Reddit, and elsewhere) make all sorts of uni-related claims, of course. I didn’t pay much mind to this one.

Last night, though, two images began making the rounds (click to enlarge):

I do not know the original source of these photos. As is always the case with unverified leaks of unknown origins, my default mode is to be skeptical, because it could be just a Photoshop job (and before you say, “Boy, that looks legit to me!,” let’s keep in mind that “looks legit” doesn’t actually mean much). The images appear to align, at least partially, with the RamsToday description, but of course a Photoshopper could have created the images specifically to match up with that description.

With those caveats in mind, here are some thoughts on these images:

• The numerals appear to have the same segmented curvatures (presumably based on the Fibonacci spiral) as the horns on the new logo. That seems very much like something Nike would do.

• The gradation on the numerals mimics the gradation on the logo horn.

• Is the light-colored jersey white or “bone”? Tough to say.

• The wordmark on the upper-left shoulder of the road jersey (ugh) appears to match the wordmark that was released in March. Although it’s hard to be sure, it appears that the lettering on the home jersey is just the team name and does not include the city name. Hmmmm.

• Those shoulder patches and also the team logo patch above the nameplate (ugh) both look like they’ve been applied rather clunkily and unprofessionally. By way of comparison, the Cardinals above-the-nameplate logo patch is cut to the shape of the logo — not cut as a square or rectangle. Hmmmm.

• Although it’s hard to be sure, it appears that there are no TV numbers.

So: Could these be legit? Sure. Could they be the work of a Photoshopper looking to kill some time while under pandemic lockdown? Also sure. We don’t yet know enough to be certain either way, but I expect we’ll be learning more soon.

In short: Stay tuned.

Update: The Rams have now officially released their new uniforms, and it turns out that the leak was accurate:

🚨 2020 🚨
A new era in Los Angeles. pic.twitter.com/Qc8vv2mUd3
— Los Angeles Rams (@RamsNFL) May 13, 2020

More info here. I’ll have more to say about the new designs tomorrow!

• • • • •

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Membership update: In 2016, Uni Watch reader Clark Ruhland designed this Virginia Tech NASCAR car for the Wood Brothers racing team. He recently asked for a membership card based on that design — turned out great!

Clark’s card is one of several that have been added to the membership card gallery, as we continue to work our way through the recent spike in orders (thank you!).

Ordering a membership card is a good way to support Uni Watch (which, frankly, could use your support these days). And remember, as a gesture of comm-uni-ty solidarity, the price of a membership has been reduced from $25 to $20 until further notice.

As always, you can sign up for your own custom-designed card here, you can see all the cards we’ve designed so far here (now more than 2,700 of them!), and you can see how we produce the cards here.

• • • • •

The Ticker
By Lloyd Alaban

Baseball News: Here’s an article about the many different sleeve patches the Dodgers have worn in recent history (from Billy Ballas). … Check out this gorgeous vintage tequila sunrise Astros sweater that’s available on Etsy (from Nathan Budziszewski).

NFL News: Rams WR Cooper Kupp will change his number from No. 18 to No. 10, the number he wore during his college career at Eastern Washington (from @fv_rob). … The Titans were originally supposed to be called the Pioneers. But when the name leaked, then-owner Bud Adams scrapped the idea (from Kary Klismet). … On Monday night, the NFL Network rebroadcast the 1994 Week 1 game between the Dolphins and Patriots. Pats WR Michael Timpson’s jersey had his Flying Elvis logo facing the wrong direction on his left sleeve. … In the 1968 AFL Championship Game between the Jets and the Raiders, Raiders RB/TE Billy Cannon had a “bonus” Raiders logo on his helmet! (From our own Scott M.X. Turner.) … The Eagles had some font-inconsistency issues in 1973. … Also in 1973, the Rams changed their unis. The team was offered two different shades of royal blue for their helmets, with one of them being identical to the Broncos. The team decided the Broncos’ royal was too light, so they went with the dark royal instead. Here are the blues side to side.

College Football News: In a recent interview on The Dan Patrick Show, Stanford head coach David Shaw said that he started wearing apparel with the school’s tree-inclusive logo, instead of the plain block “S,” because recruits frequently mistook the plain version for other schools’ logos, including NC State and Syracuse (from Kary Klismet). … You may remember that last week athletes from a lot of different pro leagues put the names of healthcare workers over the NOBs on their jerseys. Virginia LB Charles Snowden has started something similar for UVa athletes, which he’s calling “Hoos Your Hero” (from our own Jamie Rathjen).

Hockey News: A Twitter user has noted that the Flyers use two different primary logos: One for media and one for their sweaters (from Scott Ledered). … New mask for Canucks G Jacob Markstrom (from Wade Heidt). … Flyers G Ron Hextall was wearing a Canadiens base-layer shirt during the 1987 Canada Cup (from Bryan Palmer). … A YouTuber tried to find the ugliest jersey for each NHL team (from Scott Whitt).

Basketball News: Longtime reader Jeff Ash was going through some old stuff and found some 1980s ticket stub for a Harlem Globetrotters game at the Mecca in Milwaukee. The ticket was patterned after the arena’s famous court design. Have any other fields, courts, or playing surfaces served as the basis for a ticket design?

Soccer News: Here’s the fan vote winner for Scottish side Dumbarton’s new shirt (from Ed Zelaski). … Today is the 40th anniversary of the wearing of one of England’s most famous shirts (from our own Jamie Rathjen). … New kits for Dutch side AZ Alkmaar (from Josh Hinton). … For the latest in kit news from around the world, be sure to follow Josh’s Twitter feed.

Grab Bag: The Bristol Bears of Premiership Rugby released a video with their new kit manufacturer, Umbro (from German Cabrejo). … A sportswriter in Iowa made a bracket of all the defunct Iowa high school mascots (from Aaron Telecky). … … New logo for the city of Fayetteville, Ga. (from Timmy Donahue). … Also from Timmy: The police department in Delano, Calif., debuted new badges and patches that honor past officers. … The remaining items in this section are from Kary Klismet: Here’s how some mascots are dealing with the pandemic. … Businesses have started ordering branded masks and face shields with their company logos on them for their employees to wear as they start returning to work from the coronavirus lockdown. … Here’s a behind-the-scenes look at Kansas State’s “digital brand.” … New logo for Central Baptist College athletics.

• • • • •

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What Paul did last night: I biked a bit later than usual yesterday, which in turn meant that porch o’clock came a bit later than it usually does, which in turn meant we were still out there when the Racket commenced at 7pm.

As I’ve mentioned before, we don’t really care for the Racket. But one thing we do like about it is that one of our neighbors — an elderly Orthodox Jew who lives across the street — often participates by standing on his stoop and hitting two big cymbals together! He does it at oddly timed intervals, which has a sort of comic-dramatic effect that we quite enjoy. I got this very bad photo of him yesterday (that’s his wife standing next to him; click to slightly enlarge):

After the one-day champagne indulgence, we were back to beer and wine yesterday.

The branch is still there.

As always, you can see the full set of Pandemic Porch Cocktails™ photos here.

• • • • •

Raffle results: The three winners of the Purp Walk raffle are Craig Gunter, David Murphy, and Will Scheibler, each of whom has won a purple-inclusive membership card. I can’t wait to see which designs they choose!

• • • • •

Special shout-out today to Phil. He knows why. — Paul

Skin Deep: Embroidered Logos as Super-Detailed Tattoos

By Paul Lukas, on May 12th, 2020

Click photos to enlarge

I like team logos, I like texture (or at least the appearance of texture), and I like tattoos. So it makes sense that I’d love embroidery tattoos, an interesting sub-niche that I just found out about.

Tattoos that simulate embroidered texture are not new — they’ve been around for at least a year or two (and I suspect a lot longer than that). But I only learned about them when Uni Watch reader Patrick Bourque recently told me about them. I was instantly hooked by the faux-texture effect:

For reasons that aren’t clear (at least to me), the Red Sox logo appears to be particularly popular for this type of treatment, with lots of distinct versions floating around out there:

It even works well for team logos that wouldn’t normally appear in an embroidered context, as seen in these Cowboys and Golden Knights tats:

And of course the visual effect works just as well on non-sports logos, or just to simulate the look of a cloth patch, as you can see in the following examples:

On some level, faux-embroidery tats make a certain kind of sense, at least to me: Embroidery is done with a needle; tattooing is done with a needle. Most of us have had stitches at one time or another. And from Frankenstein to Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs, sewn skin has had a transgressive presence in our popular culture, so why not?

On the other hand, tattoos tend to lose their fine detail over time — and the finer the detail, the faster it tends to be lost — so I wonder how much of that faux-embroidered texture endures over time. Anyone know more about how these tats hold up?

Meanwhile, here’s a thought: Although embroidery is still the most common choice for uniform patches, we’ve also seen an increasing number of patches rendered in plastic. Would anyone want a tattoo of that? If so, could it even be effectively rendered?

(My thanks to Patrick Bourque for letting me know about these.)

• • • • •

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Collector’s Corner
By Brinke Guthrie
Follow @brinkeguthrie

We begin Collector’s Corner’s second decade with Great Moments in Cubs Baseball, a 1971 album of the team’s greatest hits from the 1930s up to the 1970s, narrated by WGN announcer Jack Brickhouse. As the album jacket says, it’s like “having a box seat to over 40 years of Cubs history!” This is a custom recording by “Major Official Productions,” by the way.

Now for the rest of this week’s picks:

• One more for the Cubbies: this great-looking set of Cubs ceramic coasters depicting 1960s game programs. Buy them individually or as a set. Absolutely love that kinda art.

• Now this seems like a pretty good deal: all 32 NFL mini-helmets in one set for under ten bucks!

• Take a look at the artwork on this 1970 Mets baseball card game from Ed-U-Cards. “Try to beat the Mets!” “All the thrills of a real baseball game!”

• I love finding things I’ve never seen before, like this set of 1983 NFL Sticker Trading Wallets, decked out with the “A” or “N” conference logo.

• Here’s a set of 1990s NFL bumper stickers with three college ones tossed in. This is one of those cases where they use the same template over and over for different teams.

• Speaking of bumper stickers, this 1976 Seahawks bumper sticker was brought your way by KIRO Newsradio 71.

• Reader Chris Giorgio sent in this San Francisco 49ers helmet umbrella. (Even though I am a Niners fan, I’ll still go with the original Brock-a-Brella.)

• A couple of CFL items from reader Will Scheibler — a Montreal Alouettes rain poncho and a postcard that shows their jersey history.

• More great artwork on this World Series Souvenir Ticket from 1968, between the Cards and the Tigers. Just the fun. Catch Dodge Fever!

• • • • •

Membership update: I have to say, I really love that new MLS font — looks great on a membership card, as seen on Ryan Gray’s new Philadelphia Union treatment. Ryan’s card is part of a new batch that has been added to the membership card gallery (which now has over 2,700 designs!).

As always, you can sign up for your own custom-designed card here, you can see all the cards we’ve designed so far here, and you can see how we produce the cards here.

• • • • •

LAST CALL for the Purp Walk raffle: In case you missed it yesterday, reader Matthew (who prefers that his surname not be used) has generously donated three memberships for me to raffle off, but with one caveat — the three winners must choose purple-inclusive membership cards as their prizes, and that means they must order them during this year’s 48-hour window. (As I mentioned earlier, since Purple Amnesty Day’s usual date — May 17 — falls on a Sunday this year, we will also have Purple Amnesty Day (Observed) on the Monday the 18th, and I will accept purple card orders on both days.)

Today is the last day to enter this raffle. To enter, send an email to the raffle address by 8pm Eastern tonight. I’ll announce the three winners tomorrow, and then those three winners will have to claim their prizes on Sunday or next Monday. If they snooze, they lose!

Big thanks to Matthew for sponsoring this one, and for coming up with the idea for it.

• • • • •

<a href="http://wyldlifewcr.bandcamp.com/album/year-of-the-snake">Year of the Snake by Wyldlife</a>

Uni Watch Hit Parade: My friend Todd-O-Phonic Todd played a new tune on his WFMU radio show last Saturday. The tune was “Sacre Bleu” by a punk/glam band I’d never heard of called Wyldlife, and it completely blew me away. So I tracked down Wyldlife’s album, Year of the Snake, and discovered that most of it is pretty meh. But “Sacre Bleu” is still a massive, addictive tune. — to hear it, skip ahead to track No. 7 on the player embedded above. Magnifique!

• • • • •

The Ticker
By Alex Hider

Baseball News: Brewers IF/OF Brock Holt indicated on his Instagram page that he will have a new uniform number if and when play begins this season (from @ohhhsourry). … Fanatics made 2,500 coronavirus masks from Royals uniform fabric, and the team donated the masks to local health care workers (from Phil). … The city of Rockville, Md., has installed a wooden statue of Hall of Fame pitcher Walter Johnson (from William F. Yurasko). … The ivy steals the spotlight in Wrigley’s outfield, but the home run baskets deserve some love too! Originally installed to keep “bleacher bums from sitting on the walls,” they turn 50 years old this year (from Mike Chamernik). … The Twins went all out on their 1965 World Series bat boy jerseys — especially the script font on the back! (From M.W.). … Here’s a deep dive on the “Ruptured Duck” sleeve patch that MLB players returning from service in WWII wore in 1945 (from Mr. Budziszewski). … Eric Abneri wrote a piece about the history of the game-used baseballs used during Opening Day. … Craig Wessel is launching a Kickstarter for an item that I’m sure plenty of readers will be excited about: an archive-quality journal that also functions as a baseball scorebook. Click here to visit the Kickstarter page and get a notification when the campaign launches May 15. … Good spot by Andrew James, who noticed that the Astros and the NBA’s Seattle SuperSonics used the same number font in the 1990s. … Here’s a good look at the fake fans at one of this week’s games in South Korea. “The broadcasters mentioned that you can pay to be one of the fake fans,” says Josh Levy.

NFL News: A Rams blog took some guesses as to why the team has not yet unveiled their new uniforms (from Phil). … A couple of notes from Kary Klismet: A Browns blog has published a comprehensive history of the team’s “Brownie the Elf” logo and mascot, and though this article on the Broncos’ “Denver D” logo is a bit old, it offers some rarely seen images of the prototype logo. … Speaking of the Broncos, they used a player wearing an old jersey with a Flywire collar in a new schedule graphic (from Josh Claywell). … Tris Wykes found a 1983 Bucs game program that includes the term “Super Bowl Tournament” on the cover. What a weird way to refer to playoffs. … A biker in Boston used an app to draw Flying Elvis with his route during his 13-mile ride around town (from Jordan Mayblum). … The Eagles are offering a free wedding ceremony on the sidelines of their stadium to frontline workers whose weddings had to be cancelled due to the pandemic (from Timmy Donahue).

College and High School Football News: Check out this Wisconsin prototype helmet from 1990— the same year the Badgers adopted the Action W. Coach Barry Alvarez ultimately determined the design “too Pac-10” for Wisconsin. … A TCU blog is taking votes on Twitter to determine the school’s best uniform — it’s down to the finals, 2011 Rose Bowl vs. 2014 Peach Bowl (from Clint Foster). … Fisher High School in Illinois won a bracket-style tournament on Twitter for the best football helmets in the state.

Hockey News: The Avalanche may wear Quebec Nordiques throwbacks for some games in 2020-21 (from Phil). … The Bad Beaches, an all-female hockey team from Detroit, take their team name pretty seriously. They play in bikini-themed jerseys (from Michael Blake Raymer). … Hockey blog Bar Down is calling on these seven retro NHL sweaters to make a comeback as alternates (from Wade Heidt). … The Topeka Pilots of the NAHL will begin playing in Kansas City and rebrand as the Scouts — just like the NHL team that played there in the ’70s (also from Wade Heidt). … In a related item, the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Knights are moving to Connecticut and will become the Danbury Jr. Hat Tricks (from Steve Forni). … The Caps are running a bracket on social media to determine the team’s best all-time jersey (from Jamie Rathjen). … The AHL has cancelled the remainder of its season.

Basketball News: The NCAA has unveiled the logo for the 2021 Final Four, which will take place in Indianapolis (from Kary Klismet). … A designer remixed Vermont’s uniforms in the style of classic NBA jerseys (from @hcaneswirl). … Cross-listed from the baseball section: Good spot by Andrew James, who noticed that the SuperSonics and MLB’s Houston Astros used the same number font in the 1990s.

Soccer News: Scottish club Celtic FC among the teams asking fans to pick their favorite uniform on social media (from Ed Żelaski). … Speaking of kit brackets, Devin Mathias is holding a tournament for USMNT.

Grab Bag: Designer Jay Miller has remade 60 sports logos to reflect the wild times we’re living in. … A couple of notes from Kary Klismet: Southern University has new esports uniforms, and Proviso East High School in Illinois is getting new marching band uniforms.

• • • • •

Click to enlarge

What Paul did last night: Yesterday was a special day. At 3pm, Mary (that’s her real name) presented her final project in her final grad school class. So when we hit the porch three hours later, she was, for the first time, an official Master of Library and Information Science.

Due to the state of the world, the latter phases of Mary’s studies have often been bittersweet at best. So I wasn’t sure what sort of mood she’d be in and was happily surprised when she pulled out a bottle of champagne for us to share on the porch. We toasted her new status as a Master, did the raisin trick, said hi to Judy the wiener dog as she walked by, marveled at how red the cardinal in a nearby tree was, and then ordered a pizza. A good day.

The branch is still there.

More Info on How NBA Teams Solicited Uni Advertisers

By Paul Lukas, on May 11th, 2020

Good morning! Greetings from Uni Watch HQ, where all three inhabitants continue to be healthy, safe, and mostly sane (although one inhabitant still has the annoying habit of howling at 4:15am). Hope everything’s okay in your household as well.

Now then: I received a big outpouring of positive response to Friday’s post, which featured an interview with a corporate CEO who’s been approached by six different NBA teams that want to put his company’s logo on their jerseys. One particularly enthusiastic response came from an executive at a telecommunications company, who said, “Reading the interview made me laugh — not because it was particularly funny, but because I went through a similar experience.”

Just like the CEO whose story I shared on Friday, this exec is very into uniforms and a longtime Uni Watch reader. I asked if we could publish his story here on the site and he agreed, as long as I didn’t identify him or his company. So here’s our latest peek behind the curtain of the NBA’s uni advertising program.

———

My Experience with the NBA’s Ad Patch Program
By Anonymous

Our company frequently gets sponsorship solicitations from pro teams and college athletics departments. Some of them are absurd (Sponsor the tailgate section of our parking lot! Sponsor our concession stands!), and some of them are much more reasonable. We’ve partaken of a few of these opportunities over the years, including being a radio advertising partner, having in-stadium signage, and having one of our brands be the presenting sponsor of a now-defunct sports league.

At the start of this whole NBA uni ad calamity a few years back, we had four teams approach us — either me directly or other members of our marketing team — in an effort to solicit our participation as their jersey sponsor. In fact, one of them even went so far as to send us a life-sized, 6’10” cutout of their star player with one of our brand’s logos superimposed onto his white jersey! (Cheesy, yes, but I had lots of co-workers stopping by my desk to take pictures with it. Made a lot of new friends because of it!)

We had some cursory calls with the teams — due diligence, if you will — but nothing ever came from it. The cost was high — $10 million-plus. As a point of comparison, a few teams and organizations approached us over the years with sports venue naming rights opportunities, which would have cost less per year than the NBA ad patches. (We passed on those, too. It’s not the type of thing that’s really in our corporate DNA.)

I don’t remember every detail of the conversations, but there are a few things that have stayed with me over the years. The first was the similar way all four teams came to reach out to us. We do a good amount of national advertising among our six key nameplates, and one of the brands in particular is pretty heavily invested in NBA programming on ESPN/ABC and TNT. So when I asked the teams about why they chose to approach us, the the answer was the same each time: “We saw your ads during the national NBA games and thought it might be worth reaching out to you.”

The second thing was that it almost seemed like the sales reps were using similar talking points to pitch their wares. I don’t remember the exact phrasing, but the sentiment was something along the lines of, “This is a new and exciting way to be part of every [TEAM NAME HERE] game for at least the next few years,” while suggesting that we could be something like “advertising pioneers.” They also pointed out that category advertising exclusivity on the league level didn’t apply to the individual teams’ abilities to make deals with companies offering competing products/services, implying this was also a great way to clap back at our competition. (As I’ve learned over the years, that is true in all four leagues, albeit with some caveats attached.)

One more fascinating point, at least to me, was the randomness of the teams that reached out to us. We’re headquartered in the Southeast; the four teams we heard from are in the West, Midwest, Mid-Atlantic, and Southeast. They’re also not from particularly big markets, so maybe their sales teams were forced to cast a wider net for potential corporate sponsors. The team from the Midwest was the one that sent the life-sized player cutout. It was pretty absurd, and it had to have been fairly pricey to send. Waste of postage, really.

———

Paul here. Such interesting info! I’m really enjoying the inside look at how this system works. If anyone else out there has had discussions with NBA teams regarding ad patches, please feel free to get in touch. Anonymity assured, of course.

• • • • •

Click to enlarge

Membership update: We recently got an interesting membership request from reader Brian Pidgeon, who wanted his card to feature a Stargell Star on a 1979 Pirates cap. Card designer Scott M.X. Turner did an awesome job on the design and, as you can see above, Brian is very pleased with the results!

Meanwhile, can you guess which uniform Michael Batchelder’s new card is based on? That’s a trick question, because Micheal asked for it to based on this jersey drawing — part of a whole series of drawings for imaginary teams dreamed up by his 11-year-old son. Nice!

As always, you can sign up for your own custom-designed card here, you can see all the cards we’ve designed so far here (now more than 2,600 of them!), and you can see how we produce the cards here.

• • • • •

ITEM! Purp Walk raffle: With Purple Amnesty Day fast approaching, reader Matthew (who prefers not to have his surname listed) has generously donated three memberships for me to raffle off, but with one caveat — the three winners must choose purple-inclusive membership cards as their prizes, and that means they must order them during this year’s 48-hour window. (As I mentioned earlier, since Purple Amnesty Day’s usual date — May 17 — falls on a Sunday this year, we will also have Purple Amnesty Day (Observed) on the Monday the 18th, and I will accept purple card orders on both days.)

This will be a two-day raffle. To enter, send an email to the raffle address by 8pm Eastern tomorrow, May 12. I’ll announce the three winners on Wednesday, and then those three winners will have to claim their prizes on Sunday or next Monday. If they snooze, they lose!

Big thanks to Matthew for sponsoring this one, and for coming up with the idea for it — fun!

• • • • •

Seam ripper update: After a month or so of inventory shortages, I’m happy to report that all colors of Uni Watch seam rippers are back in stock! Full details here.

While we’re at it:

• Just hypothetically, wouldn’t it be fun if this Bratwurst shirt actually existed? You know, just theoretically? If you agree, let me know.

• Supplies of the Uni Watch Pin Club’s design for May are dwindling, but you can still get yours here. It’s a super-cool auto racing design created by me and the great Todd Radom, produced in a limited/numbered edition of 250, and you can save 15% by using the checkout code COMMUNITY.

• Speaking of which, that same checkout code will get you a 15% discount on anything and everything in the Uni Watch Shop and the Naming Wrongs Shop.

• If you have a very large or very small head, we still have Uni Watch caps available in sizes 7 and 7-7-8. All other sizes and adjustables are currently sold out, although I’m told that our factory will be opening soon-ish, so we may be restocked by mid-June.

Okay, end of sales pitch. My thanks, as always, for your consideration.

• • • • •

The Ticker
By Jamie Rathjen

Baseball and Softball News: The CPBL — that’s the top pro league in Taiwan — will celebrate International Nurses Day tomorrow by using a commemorative baseball for its games (from Jeremy Brahm). … Illinois’s student newspaper has been ranking the combos worn by each of the school’s teams in their last completed season. Here are the results for softball, which are from the 2019 season (from Kary Klismet).

Football News: Patriots owner Robert Kraft is auctioning his Super Bowl LI ring for pandemic-relief charity (from multiple readers). … Two items from Kary Klismet: New FCS member North Alabama’s stadium plans are on hold because of the coronavirus. … California’s Santa Barbara High School finished refurbishing its stadium, with the hope that there is a football season this year.

Hockey News: In this picture from 1979-80, Jets goalie Gary Smith is wearing a mask/helmet combo, but his helmet is both red and blue instead of the solid blue that was worn with the team’s away uniforms (from Wade Heidt).

Basketball News: Early logo creep: Here’s a 1984 shot of then-Maryland coach Lefty Driesell with a Nike logo embroidered onto his jacket (from Josh Kail). … Bulls SG Denzel Valentine wears No. 45 because his father wore it at Michigan State, but it has extra significance in Chicago for being Michael Jordan’s “other number” worn in 1995 (from our own Brinke Guthrie). … Staying with the Bulls, Mike Chamernik tells us that the book Blood on the Horns, about the team’s 1997-98 season, includes a quotation on the back cover about the design of the team’s logo.

Soccer News: You may remember that when the NWSL announced a Louisville expansion team last year they trademarked the name “Proof Louisville,” which is or was a fairly nonsensical idea that was apparently confirmed to be the team’s name, only for “Racing Louisville” to now be trademarked instead. “Racing” or “Racing Club” does have a history as a team name prefix in several countries, including France, Spain, and Argentina. … Both tiers of South Korea’s K League, which were supposed to start in February, did start this weekend without fans and featured messages written in the stands and instances of recorded crowd noise. … Scottish League Two team Elgin City became the latest to turn their pitch into a thank-you note to the National Health Service. … Arsenal managed to wear a specific gold shirt as second choice in 2001-02 and third choice the next season that featured two different ads and two different crests, as well as no defeats in the 12 times it was worn.

Grab Bag: The New Zealand Warriors of Australia’s National Rugby League are staying in quarantine in Tamworth, New South Wales, while preparing for the NRL’s resumption May 28 and in recognition added Tamworth’s postcode, 2340, to their shirts. … Missouri’s Monett High School is deciding on a new logo (from Kary Klismet). … Under Armour, which has been experiencing financial difficulties in recent years but was hoping to turn things around, had a brutal first quarter (from Tommy Turner).

• • • • •

Click to enlarge

What Paul did last night: Most days I bike in Prospect Park in the late afternoon, but on Sundays I usually do it at either noon or 2pm so I can listen to This American Life on my bike radio (it’s available at both time slots). This week’s episode is really good, so we talked a lot about that on the porch yesterday evening.

Diet Coke with lemon for me (didn’t sleep well the night before and was feeling sluggish, so I decided to take a day off from alcohol), vodka soda for the Tugboat Captain.

We also met a new dog, the very beautiful Rosie (click to enlarge):

Meanwhile: When I recently showed off the amazing vintage curling sweater that reader Will Scheibler generously gave me, I mentioned that I’ve been wearing it for our porch sessions. But of course I never appear in the daily porch photos myself, so here’s an “action shot” of me and the sweater from a few days ago (click to enlarge):

Thanks again, Will — I love the sweater so much!

The branch is still there.

As always, you can see the full set of Pandemic Porch Cocktails™ photos here.

• • • • •

A-Wop-Bop-A-Loo-Bop-A-Lop-Bam-Boom: Little Richard died on Saturday at the age of 87. He was part of the first wave of foundational rock and rollers who changed the course of not just of pop music but pop culture. Almost all the other members of that group — Chuck Berry, Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly, Bo Diddley, Fats Domino — are dead. Little Richard’s passing leaves Jerry Lee Lewis, who’s now 84, as the last man standing.

Richard’s music, like that of those other seminal rock and rollers I just mentioned, was a fusion of white and black, urban and rural, secular and sacred. But unlike those other artists, Richard added another element to the mix: He was highly gender-fluid at a time when that was difficult and even dangerous, especially for a black man from Georgia. He variously described himself as gay, bi, and “omnisexual” (but also married a woman and had other female partners), wore lots of lipstick, eyeliner, and pancake makeup (and, later in his life, wigs), was gaudily effeminate even while belting out songs about heterosexual lust (“Good golly Miss Molly / Sure likes to ball”), and famously said that if Elvis was the king of rock and roll, he himself was the queen. His first hit, 1955’s “Tutti Frutti,” was originally a throwaway novelty song about anal sex that he played for laughs on the club circuit before an enterprising producer saw its commercial potential and commissioned “safe” lyrics for it. In short, he prefigured the notion of the performative gay male diva decades before that became a cliché. (There’s more info on all of this, and a lot more, in this outstanding obituary.)

I never saw Little Richard, although I had plenty of opportunities — he was still touring and performing when I moved to New York in 1987. But by that time he had settled into the role of being a professional celebrity and hadn’t recorded anything of consequence in decades (somewhat incredibly, almost all of his important work came from a two-year period — 1955 through 1957 — although he continued to record up through 1992). I sensed that he’d essentially become a self-parody onstage and thought I’d be disappointed to see him so far past his prime. Some friends, including longtime Uni Watch reader Jeff Ash, have since told me they saw him during this period and that he still delivered the goods, while others have basically confirmed my suspicions, so it may have been more a matter of perspective or expectations.

Richard was clearly a complicated cat. Aside from the sex/gender issues, he continually flip-flopped back and forth between rock and roll and gospel, and between his famous life of hedonism (he routinely hosted orgies after his live shows) and various attempts at being a preacher. Like a lot of black artists from his era, he was ripped off by unscrupulous white label owners and never stopped being bitter about it. Amidst all that bitterness and the obvious push/pull of the various conflicting influences inside of him, I hope he had some fun along the way, because he and his artistry sure provided a lot of fun for me and countless others. R.I.P.