Monday Morning Uni Watch

Do jaguars chew gum? One of them appeared to be doing so yesterday, as Jags placekicker Josh Scobee apparently stuck his gum on the side of his helmet — right in his logo decal’s mouth. Scobee’s little maneuver may cause a temporary spike in airplay for a certain novelty song but it probably won’t help kickers in their long-running campaign to be taken seriously as football players.

In other news from around the league yesterday:

• The Cardinals once again went full bloodclot, but this time they didn’t win.

• Speaking of the Cards, looks like quarterback Carson Palmer’s nameplate was coming loose.

• The Bengals wore solid black. (Also, I hadn’t realized that they had tiger-striped goalposts.)

• This probably isn’t a new thing, but Colts coach Chuck Pagano was wearing a windbreaker with the old bucking colt logo. Too bad that was cancelled out by the BFBS cap, though.

• The Saints wore their black unitards.

• And speaking of the Saints, defensive end Cameron Jordan had a mild decal glitch.

• In that same game, a bag of footballs on the sidelines was labeled “Pudge.” Maybe Ivan Rodriguez or Carlton Fisk was moonlighting?

• Quite a few readers asked about the cross-hatched stitching on the shoulders of some of the Eagles’ jerseys. The Eagles have been doing this for years — it’s an aftermarket modification they make to reinforce the shoulder area of their jerseys.

Before we wrap, I’d like to circle back to the Jags’ helmets (without the gum this time). Consider: Sometimes things that initially seemed radical or ridiculous can end up looking more normal after we’ve had a bit of time to get used to them. But with a full season now in the books, Jacksonville’s two-tone helmet still looks absurd, at least to me. I haven’t warmed up to it at all, not even a little bit. Does anyone out there like it yet?

(My thanks to all contributors, including Blain Fowler, Wayne Koehler, Seth Moorman, Clint Richardson, and of course Phil.)

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And we’ll even put a mint under your pillow: As you know, the Super Bowl is fast approaching, and this year it’s taking place in the New Jersey Meadowlands. Naturally, all the hotel rooms here in NYC were already booked solid ages ago. If you’re lucky enough to have reserved one of them, good for you — we look forward to taking as much of your money as we can grift out of you showing you a wonderful time in our city.

But what about the rest of you — the procrastinators, the foot-draggers, the last-minute planners? You’d like to attend the big game, and maybe you even have an inside connection who can score you some tickets, but where can you stay when there’s no room at the inn?

Fear not, people — I have a solution for you. It’s called My Fucking Sofaâ„¢.

My Fucking Sofaâ„¢ is conveniently located a mere stone’s throw from the big game. Remember how Sarah Palin could see Russia from her porch? You can totally see the Meadowlands from My Fucking Sofaâ„¢. In fact, Google Maps says it’s only a 34-minute drive from My Fucking Sofaâ„¢ to the stadium — and it’ll probably be even faster on game day, because everyone knows there’s never any traffic on Sundays! Hell, My Fucking Sofaâ„¢ is so close to the game that you can can even walk there if you like.

You can be assured of getting a good night’s sleep on My Fucking Sofaâ„¢, and I should know — I’ve fallen asleep there many times myself and can personally attest to My Fucking Sofaâ„¢’s superior levels of comfort and support. Many guests over the years ”” some of them famous indie-rock stars! ”” have given similarly positive reviews.

My Fucking Sofaâ„¢ comes fully equipped with several pillows, a flat-screen TV, WiFi, and three housemates (one human, two feline), all at no extra charge. The facility is decorated with lots of interesting art and collectibles, including the famed pencil sharpener collection. Guests will have full access to the refrigerator and kitchen, although a strict mayonnaise prohibition will be firmly enforced. The space is well heated (in fact, the radiators clank extra-loudly, just so you know they’re working), and water pressure in the bathroom is superb, at least when the chick downstairs isn’t showering.

If you’re looking get a taste of New York life, My Fucking Sofaâ„¢’s concierge will be happy to arrange a program of activities for you. For example, you can get into the spirit of New York apartment living by watering the plants, feeding the cats, doing the dishes, taking out the garbage and recycling, shoveling the steps and sidewalk, and changing the litterbox. It’s all very “authentic” in that gritty, urban way you’ve probably heard about. If you want to get a little more adventurous, the concierge may let you move his car on alternate-side parking days. There is no surcharge for participating in these activities, although a thoughtful tip to the concierge is always appreciated. (For a nominal fee, the concierge will take photos of you while you engage in these activities. Imagine how envious your friends back home will be when they see them!)

Complimentary wake-up service will be provided by two of our most experienced hospitality associates, who will gently rouse you from your restful slumber with a playful lick on the ear and a considerate paw on your eyelid (usually but not necessarily in that order). You can be assured that they will do this, without fail, at 6am, so you don’t have to worry about oversleeping. Should you somehow resist their initial invitations to join the land of the wakeful, they will sit directly on your bladder and patiently stare at you until you’re ready to rise and shine. As you rub Mr. Sandman’s sprinklings out of your eyes, you’ll no doubt be thinking about all those poor saps who paid premium hotel rates and only got a conventional wake-up call — suckers!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “My Fucking Sofaâ„¢ sounds like a first-class operation, no question about it. But will it fit within my budget?” No worries, friend. My Fucking Sofaâ„¢ is proud to offer four-star accommodations at a two-star price — and for Uni Watch readers, we’re willing to lower it to a one-star price. That’s why My Fucking Sofaâ„¢ is reducing its usual Super Bowl rate of $400 a night to a bargain basement price of $395. If you can find anything in town that’s cheaper than that, My Fucking Sofaâ„¢ will cheerily match any competitor’s price, although a “rate-readjustment fee” may apply.

Ready to book your room and kick off your Super Bowl experience? Of course you are! Our friendly staff looks forward to meeting you.

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Culinary Corner: About two months ago, while killing time in a motel room in Wisconsin, I read a story about a woman who had invented a “marinating stick” — essentially way to infuse roasts and other large pieces of meat with herbs, spices, and other aromatics from the inside out. I was intrigued, and thought about buying one, but the whole thing seemed a bit too Home Shopping Network, if you know what I mean, so I couldn’t quite bring myself to pull the trigger.

But now someone has pulled the trigger for me, because Kirsten got me a set of marinating sticks — a big one and a little one — for Christmas.

I’m veeeeeery curious about using the seasoning sticks, but I’m still living on holiday leftovers, plus I’m likely gonna shift into “eating light” mode for a week or so after the New Year (gotta recover from all the holiday bingeing), so I probably won’t be using them right away. Anyone else ever use them? Any tips, pointers, etc.?

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Troll reminder: In case you missed it on Friday, I’ve created a new website, called My Pet Troll, to serve as a repository for the Big Cock Johnson story (which was originally posted here on Uni Watch back in April but then, for reasons not worth explaining, had to be taken down over the summer). If you weren’t around for that very unusual chapter in Uni Watch history, or if you just want to refresh your memory, I urge you to check it out. (And for those of you who looked at My Pet Troll back on Friday, when I first linked to it, I’ve made a few design improvements to the site since then, so take another look.)

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’Skins Watch: In 2006, the Spokane Indians collaborated with a local Spokane Indian tribe to create a team logo in the Salish language. That logo has appeared as a sleeve patch, but now the team is going to use a Salish-lettered chest insignia. Great example of how Native imagery in sports can work if a team does some local outreach (from Jim Wagner). ”¦ The Boston Globe has published a reasonably good overview of the ’Skins name debate and how it stretches back to the team’s time in Boston (from Dave Garabedian). ”¦ Will 2013 be the year of reckoning for the ’Skins name? Could be (from Tommy Turner).

Baseball News: Been a while since we had any additions to our photo collection of the 1956 Portland Beavers, who had Cardinals-style sock striping on their undersleeves, but now Dave Eskenazi has provided four new photos. They’re the first four images in this set.

NFL News: The cover of the Houston Oilers’ 1993 media guide drew an odd visual comparison between the Pro Bowl and bowling. Love the team-logo ball! (Nice find by Douglas Ford.) ”¦ Chris Flinn got this cool NFL pennant-style tray a few years ago at a Pottery Barn, of all places.

College Football News: Here’s our best look so far at Oregon’s jersey for tonight’s Petroleum Bowl. As you can see, they have an idiotic slogan on the inner collar, but whatever. Meanwhile, here’s the helmet (thanks, Phil). ”¦ “Notre Dame OT Zack Martin obviously had a jersey malfunction at some point during [the Baseball Cap Bowl],” says JJ Sledge. “You can tell by the coloration and by the lack of the Adidas ‘stretch marks,'” he says. ”¦ Rice will have a new helmet for the Auto Parts Bowl (thanks, Phil). ”¦ I’m not sure why anyone would spend $350 on six Oregon caps, but if that’s your thing then knock yourself out. “It includes the exclusive Rose Bowl celebration cap!” notes a skeptical Trevor Williams.

Hockey News: Here’s the Frozen Fenway jersey that Providence will be wearing on Jan. 4. “It’s based on the jerseys they wore in the early 1960s,” says Erik Sundermann. Note the maker’s mark — that’s the logo for Gemini Athletic Wear, a manufacturer I know nothing about. Do they outfit a lot of college hockey teams? ”¦ Look how Jim Kyte’s helmets were reinforced around the ear. Why? Because Kyte was deaf and wanted to protect his hearing aids (from Graham Clayton).

Soccer News: Gaston Ramirez of Southampton gave his jersey to a fan after scoring a goal the other day and then had to play the rest of the game in a numberless jersey (from Nolan Brett). ”¦ You can see all of the MLS All-Star Game logos dating back to 1996 on this page (from Leo Strawn Jr.).

College Hoops News: You might not think Texas A&M Corpus Christi could fit its entire school name on a basketball jersey, but you’d be wrong. They also have a player, Rashawn Thomas, who’s been wearing some sort of headgear (from David Teigland). ”¦ UMass wore sleeved GFGS alts on Saturday. “At least it looks better than the Fruit Stripe sets from the tournament,” says James McNamara.

Grab Bag: Whoa, check out the awesome bowling uniforms shown on this old newspaper spread (from Matthew Prigge). ”¦ Fun note from Billy Jones, who writes: “I graduated from high school 15 years ago and found my varsity letter in the basement of my parents house. At the time, I didn’t get a jacket to go with the letter because a) it cost $200, and more importantly b) the only option my school offered was a generic navy blue with white leather sleeves, and that just wouldn’t cut it. Fast forward 15 years, and I find out about Stewart & Strauss’s $99 deal from Uni Watch. I designed this beauty. I’m quite pleased with how it came out!” ”¦ NSFW: If you’re still mourning Screw founder Al Goldstein’s death, you’ll like my friend Danny Hellman’s Screw cover art blog, which features tons of spectacular — and spectacularly salacious — artwork by a rogues gallery of killer NYC illustrators.