Is That a Pack of Tube Socks Down Your Shorts …

”¦ or are you just glad to see me?

That image, surprisingly enough, is not from a tranny festival or a she-male convention. It’s from an old uniform catalog, one of several that were recently sent my way by sporting goods maven Terry Proctor (here’s the full page it appeared on). Unlike the mid-century catalogs I usually collect, the ones Terry sent me are from around 1990 and are from small, regional suppliers, all of which adds up to some hilariously bad hairstyles, amateur models, and photos like the one you see above. Some surprisingly interesting uniform styles, too. Let’s take a look.

We’ll start with a few pages from this catalog from Leader, an Ohio operation. There’s no date on the catalog, but the hairstyles seem very late-’80s. If you can get past that, however, there’s at least one very interesting design lurking here: this one. Never seen that chevron-based jacket style before, and I kinda like it (although for some reason it doesn’t work as well on this pullover). Something else I’ve never seen: a dugout-style jacket with a car coat-ish length.

Next up: this 1990 catalog from Betlin (whose art director really liked posing people with one hand behind their back or in their pocket). Lots to cover here, so let’s switch to the list format:

• Never seen an untucked hoops jersey on a kids’ uni before.

• Look at the guy in the center of this page Is that the weirdest-looking TV number ever or what? I love the striped jersey in the next photo to the right, natch.

• Another style I’d never seen — check out the third guy from the left. I guess that design concept never caught on.

• Amidst all the bad hair and goofy-looking poses, I love — love — the uni design at far left. The collar, the sleeve stripes, the chest design, even the side panels. Very cool. (Almost as good: the uni worn by the black model on this page.)

• As most of you know, I can never get enough of stripe template pages.

And our final catalog is this Speedline edition (the source of the tranny photo), which appears to be from the early ’90s. As you can see, their first problem was with the cover design — the combination of the super-low lighting and the term “Institutional Women’s Catalog” makes it seem like a collection of prisonwear. Among the highlights:

• An entire page of untucked hoops jerseys. The orange and yellow ones are quite nice, methinks. Also, check out the note regarding the yellow one — why would it not be up to state specs? The off-center number, perhaps?

• What’s better than an untucked jersey? An untucked jersey with sleeves.

• Can you imagine an entire team dressed up in the uni shown at far right?

• These jerseys are interesting — several of them provide the illusion of a halter top.

• Love these orange stirrups with the blue edging. Here’s another view.

• And here’s another striping guide.

Okay, that’s it. Thanks for sending these, Terry.

Sock Giveaway Reminder: Today’s the last day for the soccer sock giveaway. Details here.

++++++

Collector’s Corner, by Brinke Guthrie

Photo: Yes, I wore a banana costume. Cincinnati Reds offices, 1988.

Today’s eBay action:

• This first item is so cool it needs to go first — a complete set of NFL Big Signs from 1974. All 26 (at the time) teams. Ooooooooh!

• This Wiffle Ball has been approved by Major Leaguers!

• I remember this baseball card. I can’t tell if he’s more upset over the terrible airbrush job or that his eyebrows look like caterpillars.

• Here’s a big lot of 1970s NBA pennants.

• Amazingly enough, I do not recall this 1974 NFL book. How did I miss it?

• Here’s a very nice NHL puck display.

• How long did it take the Bears to create this cover design? Sixty seconds?

• Who knew WVU was big enough to have their own football game? (Submitted by Jason Bernard.)

• I’m not sure which is more overpriced, this Vikings figurine (for that much coin, shouldn’t you at least get a uni number?) or this Vikings pennant, but they’re both pretty cool. (Both submitted by Brandon Detzler.)

• Worth every penny: an SF Seals and Oakland Oaks scrapbook. (From Noel Amezquita.)

• Today’s Mets items for Lukas: Check out this bobblehead/bank. I promise you if you put a flashlight under its chin and turn out the lights, that’s one scary bobble. And a great pennant, too. [I had that on my bedroom wall when I was a kid. — PL]

Seen something on eBay that you think would make good Collector’s Corner fodder? Send your submissions here.

++++++

Culinary Corner: My buddy Matt came over for dinner last night, and I don’t mind saying that the soft-shell crab sandwiches I prepared were among the very best things I have ever cooked. Really simple, too. My only regret is that I didn’t photograph anything, but you can use your imagination. Here’s the deal:

1. Light a hot charcoal fire (or, if you’re a wuss, turn on your gas grill).

2. Put a couple of ears of fully shucked corn on the grill. No husk, no silk — just the naked corn. Turn the ears occasionally until they’re nicely browned, with a few charred kernels, about seven or eight minutes. At the same time, cut two lemons in half lengthwise and put them on the grill as well, cut side down.

3. While the corn and lemons are cooking, put a small saucepan on the edge of the grill and melt about three-quarters of a stick of butter in it. When the butter has melted, remove the lemon halves (they should be nicely browned) and set aside. When the corn is done, transfer the corn to a plate.

4. After setting the corn aside, the lemons should be cool enough to handle. Squeeze all their juice into the saucepan with the butter and then add a few tablespoons of capers. Keep the saucepan on the edge of the grill.

5. Once you’re done with that, the corn should be cool enough to handle. Use a knife to strip the kernels from the cobs, leaving you with a plate of cooked kernels.

6. Now, back at the grill, put four soft-shell crabs on the grill. Cook for about two minutes and then turn. After turning them, cut two Portuguese rolls lengthwise and put them on the grill to toast. Cook crabs and rolls about two minutes more (but keep an eye on the rolls to make sure they don’t burn — it depends on how hot your coals are) and then remove crabs, rolls, and saucepan to a platter.

7. Assemble two sandwiches thusly: bottom of roll, a bed corn kernels, a crab, a bit of lemon-butter-caper sauce, another crab, more sauce, top of roll.

You now have two perfect soft-shell crab sandwiches. Believe me when I say you and your dining companion will you not be disappointed. Well, unless you don’t like soft-shell crabs, but that just means you’re beyond help, you poor thing. My sympathies.

Uni Watch News Ticker: The Lake Erie Crushers wore their “Keep Lebron in Cleveland” jerseys yesterday. ”¦ Good round-up of NPB alternate baseball uniforms here. ”¦ Is it just me, or does Arsenal’s new home kit look like a safety vest? (With thanks to Denis Hurley.) ”¦ Mike Delia found some pics of the Bruins wearing the team’s 50th-anniversary patch (here’s a close-up of the patch) and the Massachusetts bicentennial patch (and here’s a close-up of that one). ”¦ Here’s a weird one: a high school team with what can only be described as a half-Wolverine helmet. Looks like they use the other side of the helmet for merit decals (with thanks to Greg Riffenburgh). ”¦ Bryan Justman‘s latest DIY jersey is an SF Seals design. ”¦ Here’s a much better version of that photo from the three-way Dodgers/Giants/Yanks war bonds game. Caption: “5th War Loan Drive. The ex-stars of three New York teams, the Yankees, Giants and Dodgers, met to show their patriotism. L-R: Zack Wheat, Larry Doyle, Herb Pennock, Bill Klem, Roger Bresnahan, George Wiltse (wearing 1905 uniform), Wally Schang, Otto Miller, Nap Rucker.” And here’s a good article on the game (you da man, Phil). ”¦ An Air Force refueling plane has been given a Diamondbacks livery (with thanks to David Vines). ”¦ Andrew Oliver still had an undotted “i” yesterday (as noted by Tom Marquand). ”¦ Food for thought from Alan Borock, who reports that the A’s broadcasters mentioned last night that “this is probably the last year for the black alternate and that they were going to have a gold alternate next year.” … Excellent spot by Marcus Ramsey, who noticed that Nelson Cruz has a stylized set of initlals on the end of his bat. ”¦ Great bit of arcana from Chris Marrs, who writes: “Back in the summer of 1997, the Brewers hosted the Cardinals for the first time since the ’82 World Series, and both teams wore throwbacks for the occasion. One curious fact from that game, however, was that a 38-year-old Willie McGee was back on the Cardinals that season and played in that game. I thought it then but had no way to prove it: I believe that he was the first MLB player to wear a throwback uniform honoring a team that he actually played on.” Hmmm, is that true? What say ye, people?