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Guess Who’s Having Oatmeal for Breakfast Today


It’s been a few decades since I had occasion to do business with the Tooth Fairy, but I recall his going rate back in those days to have been 10 ¢ per tooth. So after factoring in inflation, I figure the two choppers that were liberated from my mouth yesterday should be good for at least a coupla bucks.

Incidentally, remember that YouTube video from yesterday, showing a kid getting his loose tooth removed via the old string/door-slam routine? Turns out that there are tons of similar videos, many of which show the business end of the string attached to much more inventive things than a doorknob, including a Frisbee, a puppy, a go-cart, an arrow, a toy car, a heavy ball, a cousin’s hand, and lots more. I thought this kind of stuff only happened in cartoons, but apparently parents across America are staging and filming these stunts. The best bits are invariably the parents’ comments to their kids, which include “Stop being such a drama queen!” and “Don’t be afraid — c’mon, be punk rock, be punk rock!” and “I’m on low-battery here!” Lovely human beings, one and all.

Anyway: The whole thing went smoothly, but I’m gonna take today off to wallow in self-pity and Vicodin (not necessarily in that order). I may have a new ESPN column up later in the day — if so, I’ll add a link here later in the day. Nope, no ESPN column today. See you back here tomorrow. — Paul

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